Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Of Mumbo-Jumbos and Dumbos

Just when the samples of salty sea-water turned sweet were undergoing chemical analysis at the labs, somebody decided to play a time-tested trick of milky miracle. And before you could utter "deja-vu", hordes of idiots are thronging at the temples to witness vanishing milk inside the mouth of the idols.

"It is amazing; Lord Ganesha drank milk from my hands. Now he will answer all my prayers," said Surama Dasgupta, a middle-aged woman in Kolkata" [source]

What a wonderful philosophy we have infused amongst Indians who inhibit a country that runs not on petrol nor coal nor nuclear energy but the silver-tonic fuel otherwise known as bribe. Now you can directly feed the gods to fulfill your wish-list and if you don't the divine one wouldn't lend an ear to your utmost prayer. Doesn't this version of God is in close resemblance with other makers-n-breakers of your fate like the clerk at the government office ?

Personally I have no problem with these moronic creatures who masquerade as human beings crowding the places of worship and holding a spoon of sudh-taaza-dudh as offering. But a waste of precious gallons of milk and even more rarer common-sense down the drains do incite a little bit of Tch-Tch from me.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Monday Evening Blues

Finally after requests from good friends I joined Orkut and decided to add some realistic shock by putting my own photograph instead of the Bolly Khans. Ever since I am being bombarded with scraps expressing their astonishment at my accumulation of blubber over years of gym-boycotted leisurely life. I guess my journey across mouth savouring Bengali-Marathi-English-Continental-Chinese-Malay cusine over the years and refusing to burn-off the fatty part has finally paid off. From a 55 kg college kid I can now throw all the 75 kgs of my middle-aged weight on weighted matters such as foreign policy of Togo and its impact on global politics.

Speaking of weighted issues the most pressing one catching the present MSM buzz seems to be marital infedility. It all started with Koffee vendor KJo decided about his venture of depicting true life problems in his down-to-earth helicopter landing signature style. This time it was all about loving other peoples' spouses, a glycerine soaked saga of unhappy married folks finding solace in a lil bit of EMA(extra-marital-affiar). And when you team up all the crore plus pay-cheque drawing Bolly biggies whose histronics range from hamming of the tongue to jamming of the neurones, people are bound to shake up.

So now we have the simple minded folks from Kashmir to Kanyakumarika debating about the eye-opening epic depiction of new-found love. As
reported one of the converts even took his other half to the theatre hoping for a change of heart over his EMA efforts. Unfortunately the other half was not so convinced and the poor hubby was forced to use bullets to make her see the holy Karan teachings.

Actually other peoples' spouses are just like the food on the other person's plate in a resturant.In fact one of the best compliments that a hubby came up while describing his wife was "You look so much like someone else's wife". Unfortunately the wife failed to appreciate this gem of a compliment in the story I read. So as I was telling the food always looks more delicious when it is on the other side. And other people's spouse looks equally dazzling in the arm-candy of the legally married one.

Do a switch over, take them home and you will soon discover that when it comes to maintainance problems the new ones have all the past records that compelled you in the first place.In fact the upgrade might introduce some newer additions to the list of ever-growing complications to be tackled in your life time. I guess all these words of wisdom will be aptly zoomed to you in another down-to-earth speeding Ferrari in the sequel to the epicsique KANK. I hope that the story-line is already being scripted in the talented Ms. Bhatija's mind. My bet is with KJo's K fixation (does he and Ekta Kapoor goes to the same numerologist ?) the name will be Kabhi Interchange Na Karna or KINK. Surely that would mark the growing up of Kandyfloss Karan Kid.

ps: On a weekend wasted by partly office work, partly by Corporate watching whose main protagonist should've been named Fishi-gandha instead of Nishi-gandha, I was quite impressed by watching The Gangster. Were there any other Sherlock Holmes like me who read between the scenes when Emraan Hashmi leisurely opened his leather jacket before diving from the boat to save a drowning Kagna.No wonder in the end a man who surely loves his leather jacket more than a drowning Ms.Raut would turn out to be traitor. Hopefully next weekend my faith in Hindi movie directors would be savoured by a deserved Omkara watch. Have to check Hindi movie stores in little India for the CDs.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A nation's journey through 59 years : What next ?

For an individual 59 years would mean a lifetime experience of love, friendship, betrayal , death and the other shades of the spectrum of life. For an organization 59 years would mean the mature time when it sees itself propelling towards future based on the momentum gained during the growing past years. But what would 59 years mean for a nation ? It’s too short time in the pages of history where a decade is dedicated at the most a chapter or two.

As a nation we carry historical baggage dating from the Gupta era when Hinduism shaped itself distinct from the prevailing Sanatan religion of the Aryans, absorbing incessant attacks from Western frontiers and ultimately absorbing its attackers into its fold that reached its peak in the glory of the Mughals to the last 200 years of colonial rule. So even before 1947 when India declared itself to be an independent nation its characteristics traits were shaped long back in history. Only thing that was in suspense was how we would carry our heavy luggage down the lanes of future.

Looking back at the last 59 years as a nation we seem to see almost all. As they say in detective stories follow the money , if we see the nations economic history it has seen the Nehuruvian socio-economics, the license raj of Indira to an IMF scripted turnaround by opening itself to the world and suddenly finding itself amongst one of the largest growing economies. Indian IT industry pioneered the emergence of Indian companies which was reflected in the manufacturing and service sector as well. Some of it was an outcome of a conscious effort and some of it happened because it was destined to happen.

In our growing years of democracy we saw the fading importance of rule by a political party with a national base. We saw the black emergency years when Indian democracy choked itself in the same hands it was supposed to be freed. Luckily the situation didn’t prevail for long. Slowly the emergence of regional parties brought about the concept of coalition government. In an utopian situation this scenario would have been applauded as regional agendas would be weighted with the same importance as the national one. Unfortunately in India politics is meant to be largely vote bank based. And if the largest section of the voters are illiterates then democracy is dragged down to be a mere comedy of arm-twisting and ass kissing.

During these journey we saw ourselves engaged in war too with our neighbors. Fortunately nearly every time we were able to maintain our sovereignty although the costs were sometimes too high. But the in-depth analysis of the weaknesses and preventive as well as remedial actions are still in the to be done list.

The 59 years is also marked with partionist and communal movements ranging from demand for separate states to separation from the state as well. Most of them started within the foray of parliamentarian politics and later emerged as a battle against the state. Gradually they lost the very essence of their cause and everybody interpreted the cause with their own understanding and resorted to terror tactics. A part of the fuel to the fire was supplied by international war-mongers in pursuit of future of weapon business. The net result is that till date India has been the biggest sufferer in the era of global terrorism. What started from neglected north-eastern backyards to the over-protected valleys of Kashmir reached the heart of the nation. Now we are used to the fact that the next big bomb blast could happen anytime.

Each of the last six decades of our national life had its own flavor, unique aspiration, characteristic problems and their solutions. The next decade could be marked with the undomitable aspiration of being big. But that aspiration would be hindered with fighting terrorism home and abroad and the growing disparity of the rich and poor , the gap which will be widened day by day of these non-uniform progress. All these will go parallel with the obvious degeneration of the politicos until someday somebody decides to do something very very drastic.

But one thing will never change. What started as a dream to reach for the skies and was minimized to a mere survival was able to turn around and is now being looked by the remaining world as the probable next big thing. The promises the nation holds to its future citizens will manifest themselves in reality is still the big question. But the momentum has already given the extra push in the inertia. Only if we could ride on and propel the acceleration in the right direction another decade from now on another prouder Indian will be writing about even glorious seventh decade of the nations history.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Not a drop to drink....

I always failed to comprehend the fact why the authorities always say that pesticide found in colas are beyond allowed limits. Does that mean if pesticide quantity is within limits cola then that give the cola companies enough rights to sell their stuff? Is it necessary to add the pesticide in colas to get the extra fizz ?

The cause of worry in colas is a chemical known as Lindane. This chemical used as a pesticide "is volatile with roughly 90% entering the atmosphere and ultimately being deposited in rain."[Wikipedia source]

"CSE experts claimed to have found that the levels of Lindane, a confirmed carcinogen, were more than 54 times above the BIS (Bureau of Indian Standards-ed.) limit." [source]

So the main source of Lindane in colas is nothing else but the water used. But ain't the tap water in plants undergo any purification process ?
Despite spending shit-load of money on advertisements, signing new contracts with a new film-star every year, the cola companies are yet to come up with decent water treatment plants.

Net result is:

"Pepsi contains 30 times more pesticides, and there is a 27 times increase in pesticides in Coke compared to 2003" [source]

That is even more disturbing as if the amount of carcinogen has increased in colas by 30 times, how much more it has increased in our normal tap water ?

Our health minister who seem to be tackling Indian health problems via the silver-screen rather than in real life had appealed to the film-stars not to act in cola ads. Shall he now focus his attention back to where it is more needed.Reminds me of the scence in "Main Azad Hoon" where Azad tells the minister "Even after 40 years of independance you failed to give us clean drinking water.What can you give us now ?"

A year from now we will be celebrating 60-th anniversary of our freedom.Could Dr. Anbumani ensure us clean aerated water devoid of cancer causing chemicals and cleaner drinking water too.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Victory of Evil Over Good : The Show Must Go On

One of the yardsticks for a successful politician is how easily you can hide your emotions behind the umpteenth rehearsed smiling face. Every time George Bush embraces Tony Blair he must be thinking "Dammit, this guy has a real funny accent. I better ask Condi for a translator". Blair on the other hand must be thinking "Jolly good heavens, how long I will have to bear with this nutty bloke who keeps smiling at whatever I say". But if you look at their faces all you see is a gleaming grin running from the left ear to the right symbolizing their strong bond of friendship. In short to be a good Neta you got to be an equally good Abhineta.

But our WB CM has always miserably failed in the emotion control department.Take that Dushomoy (Bad Times) incident in the mid 90-s. He was disillusioned by the functioning of the party and he put down his papers. Then like all literary aspiring Bengali he takes up the pen and writes a script criticizing the government called Dushomoy.If I am not wrong some CPI-M big-shots were even present in the opening show also.May be because the box office returns were not very encouraging or CPI-M think-tank was able to brainwash him the second time, finally Buddha brat returned back to Allimuddin Street.

Ever since he has been quite vocal about his dislikes despite of the strong discipline practiced within CPI-M. But he has always been the ideal portrayal of a middle class intellectual Bengali who reads Kafka, listens to Robindro-songit, watches Truffaut and smokes his cigarettes, all just the right way any average Bengali would do. Also he is honest to the core and is not afraid to do things differently, brains at Alimuddin Street always want to project him as the leader of the Bengalis.

Like all Bengali bhodroloks Budha-babu is passionate about the game of cricket and Saurav Ganguly's cricketing career. And when a Bengali gets passionate about anything , there is no stopping him except for hot rosogullas or smoked hilsa marinated in mustard sauce. So he sets himself on a jihad against the biggest kaafir of cricket who happens to be none else than the crafty CAB head our own Jaggu-dada.

CMs mission and vision narrowed down to save the CAB from the clutches of power hungry Jagmohan Dal-main-bahut-kuch-kaala-miya. He asks his trusted candidate Prasun Mukherjee, Kolkata Police Commissioner to send Dalmiya packing for his tirth-yatra from cricket administration. The battle plans are laid and swords are drawn at each other. The Calcutta media is the happiest to find day-to-day updates filling up news print or TV slots in otherwise a dull moment for news across the state.

To add to the twist, veteran Jyoti Basu and sport minister Subhas Chakraborty (whose contribution to Bengal sports has been organizing pop shows on sports ground) openly backed Dalmiya instead of the CMs candidate. Dialectics between old CPI-M and new CPI-M added more masala to the event. And when things are related to cricket can Kolkata's cricket price Sourav be left behind.

From the day he was dropped from the national team he had been trying to make a comeback by doing anything and everything other than scoring runs. From closed door meetings with Sharad Pawar to hiring tantrik for performing voodo magic he did anything that is written or yet to be written in the book. They say when you are facing bad times your judgement gets clouded. It's happening with Sourav too. His version of writing on the wall was that the chain of events would ensure Dalmiya's vanaprastha.

He immediately jumps his guns and issues a statement against Dalmiya, saying that among the things Dalmiya destroyed during his tenure at BCCI one was Sourav's cricketing career. I am not sure how it happened but may be Dalmiya as BCCI president must've assured that so long as he is in power Dada didn't need to concentrate on his cricketing skills to be in the team. Sourav must've since then stopped practicing to improve widely known and even widely exploited cricketing weaknesses. But immediately after Dalmiya was shown the way from BCCI HQ, Sourav was dropped from the team too. Thus the crafty cricket administrator destroyed the illustrious career of perhaps the greatest of Indian captains till date.

Although Budhadev literally left no stones unturned, Dalmiya, whom his predecessor ICC chief Malcolm Gray has described once as the man to be careful about, still had the trump card carefully concealed inside his sleeves(although most of the times he wears a sleeveless shirt). The night before the elections he pays a visit to the most colorful man of Indian politics, our rail minister Lallu P Yadav.

Lallu's cricket love starts from his chaddi-main-gilli-danda days in Bihar. Couple of years back his son was selected as the best player in the state by Bihar's cricket association headed by pappa Lallu. No eyebrows were raised because the award was presented by the then Bihar's CM herself, Ms Rabri Yadav. Since everything was in the family, I'm not sure whether the celebration took place in the family cow shed.

On that fatal night some deal must have been signed between these two cricket administrators, which is beyond my speculation and the fate of CAB was sealed. In the vote next day Dalmiya won a cut-throat finish leading by 5 votes of which 3 might've been from the different clubs owned by Indian railways.

Next day a disgruntled Buddha meets the press and declares this win as "Victory of evil over good" and vows that his agenda of the jihad would continue. A seasoned Dalmiya smiles and calls Sourav a "bachcha" (kid) and says he will do whatever he can to help the ex-captian's comeback. This could only mean in the game of cricket politics Sourav is yet to come out of his diapers and Dalmiya will get his revenge in due time. So to summarize the curtains of the drama is yet to be drawn and the plot assures of new twist and turns ahead.

Our worthy opposition at the parliament NDA who are yet to save their face from the yet to learn tol-mole-ke-bol Yaswant Singh's failed detective aspirations promises to present their share of the event. As if all the problems in the country are over NDA does a walk-out from the Loksabha asking Budhadev to be apologetic about his jihadi comments against Dalmiya.

Surely Indian politicians can any day beat the talented scriptwriters at Balaji Production up hail the motto of "The Show Must Go On".