Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Next Time Ban the Pigeons Too

Just a few days after the pyre smokes in Bombay died out,the Indian government suddenly jumped into action to counter the jihadi terrorists. So far the items in the list that had been actioned upon are :
1. Releasing those very very similar identity toolkit pictures of the suspects.
2. A morose speech full of usual jibberish from a puppet PM.
3. Pointing fingers at our Islamic neighbours
4. Banning a couple of blogging sites like and

The official reasoning for implementing this blog-sites ban is still not very clear but has been speculated as something like this:
SIMI activists are using these sites for checking each-others health and welfare apart from spreading hate and anti-national sentiments.

The next question that jumps to mind is whether blogs were the prime mode of communication between the jihadi khalnayaks and would this ban cripple them. Considering this report not to be a figment of the reporter's imagination, it seems the khalnayaks are more dependant on the traditional methods like PCOs.

So my proposal to the Indian government is closing down all the phone lines in the country.Lacking their usual mode of communication the jihadis will resort to parchments concealed in talisman tied to gutar-gutar pigeons' feet.

While the terrorists will be shooing the feathered couriers by singing "Kabutar jah jah", our specially trained snipers can bring down the pigeons to decode the next bomb-blast location.

Pretty soon the skies of India will be free from jihadi kabutars and we will win our war against terrorism on the information front.

Mera Bharat Mahan !!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Biscuit Sneaker

The pantry of the office I work has these nice dabbas full of biscuits of various shapes and sizes. To make things even better they keep on recycling the brands every two or three days. I am told that empirical studies conducted at the Britania labs has shown that chewing biscuits leads to groundbreaking ideas and increase productivity. So everyday at around 6:30 pm I go the pantry armed with my coffee mug to fill it with the addictive steaming black liquid and grab a couple of biscuits to munch upon as I commence to solve the unsolved riddles of computing industry like how many browser windows can be simultaneously opened before my Win XP is stoned immaculate. Incidentally that is also the time when most of the mere mortals who are either much more competent than me in time-management skills or doesn't dare to realm into the unknown territories of complex task-solving pack their bags and leave for home to vote for the next Indian/Singapore/US idol. But today's visit was unique enough to feature in this coveted blog. As I am busy measuring that my creamer doesnot exceed from the prescribed amount by the last nano-gram there enters a Wally look-alike. Wally opens the biscuit tin, picks up an assorted collection of his favourite shapes and sizes. So far so good, nothing blog-worthy happens and I am engrossed in preparation of my concoction. Then he wraps them with a kitchen tissue and tucks them inside his bag and walks out whistling a tune that could have been from the Hindi number "Chori Chori Chupke Chupke".

I stand there with a cup of coffee and a dumb expression trying to figure out whether an IT engineer doesn't make enough money to buy a pack of biscuit ? Or is it that stolen biscuits send a soothing vibe across your neurones every time you take the bite? Or it is to do with the motto Free ka maal...dariya main daal.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Mumbai blasts : Why ?

Why did these people in Bombay had to die ?
What was their fault ?

Is it because they lived a peaceful live ?

Is it because they are Indians ?

Why ? Why ? Why ?

Please go to out if you could be of some help.
And pray for their souls and take a vow that their deaths shouldn't go unpunished.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Rip Van Winkle Wakes Up

There was this story of a real life Rip Van Winkle who got out of his coma after 20 long years. After reading the news I was thinking what must be that guy’s reaction to see the world around him. Personally I don’t remember much about the world 20 years back except for a few facts like climbing trees and breaking neighbour’s windowpanes with my cricketing ambitions. So let me cut the story short by another 10 years and try to figure out the conversation between Mr. Winkle and his attending doctor.

RVW: What's the latest going on in politics?
DOC: Not much, it’s pretty much same old stuff for the last few years. George Bush is still fighting war in Iraq with the English PM by his side.
RVW: OMG, that old fart-head is still the president and is still after Saddam's ass.
DOC: dude actually it's his son who's the president now.

RVW: Ok leave politics, tell me what's latest in fashion now ?
DOC: A lot has changed since you went to sleep. See the last trend was metro sexual. Now that's out, uber-sexual is in.
RVW: WTF what happened to the good old heterosexual fellas? Are they dead?
DOC: No they are still out there but not much in demand.

RVW: Tell me about the movies ...which film made it big at the Oscars last year?
DOC: definitely was The Brokeback Mountain.
RVW: Who was the heroine? Is she hot?
DOC: No heroine in that was a story of two cowboys madly in love with each other.
RVW: Holy shit!!! Even the cowboys in bloody westerns have turned to faggots. Good that John Wayne died long before seeing all this crap.

RVW: Are the IT jobs still hot? Is Bill Gates still sucking millions out of the consumers?
DOC: All the IT jobs have now shifted to India and China while US is concentrating on what it does the best, fighting wars in Middle East. Bill Gates has joined hands with Warren Buffet. Together they are the two most celebrated philanthropists in the planet.
RVW: Are you kidding?

DOC: I seriously hope that I was kidding.But sorry dude,that's how it is nowadays.

RVW: It's much much crazier world than last time I saw. The human beings have lost their appetites for both sex and greed. I rather prefer to get back to my sleep. If you are still around wake me up in 2016.Hopefully the world will be a saner place by that time.