Thursday, November 30, 2006

Theory of Circular Eventuality

Do you remember the circular conundrum of one hypothetical snake biting another hypothetical snake's tail and vice-versa. The frillion dollar question was as they continue their circular journey eating each-other what'll be left over at the end ? Unlike the case with Schrodinger's Cat where the choices were only the living and dead cat or both here the possibilities are like blend of different flavours that you can mix-n-match at your neighbourhood ice-cream parlour.

Considering that both the snakes are not consuming at the same rate it could either be parts of the first snake that remains or may be the second one. But if both has same rate of metabolism, then both of them could devour each-other leaving a big NULLness to be pondered upon. Or it would be also possible that the two snake-heads keep on playing catch-me-if-you-can along the circumference of their non-existant bodies for eternity till the entropy of the universe cools down a bit.

The same circular chain of events marks a year of blogging by yours truly. When I wrote my first blog post nearly about a year ago, the signs that made me feel "Oh Boy! it's been soooo long" kind of grumpy mood were :

1. Frailing Amitabh Bachchan carried away in a strecher
2. Lalu Yadav booted out of his sort of baap-ka-jagir Bihar
3. Ganguly unceremoniously thrown out of Team India

So with a grain or rather the whole pack of Tata Namak I sulked into my approaching middle years and started declaring at the drop of hat "You know in our times.....blah..blah..blah!!!"

But now that 06 is coming to an end and 07 lurking around the corners, I see that the tables are turned upside down.

1. Amitabh completed
23 scenes in five hours setting a world record and making me wonder has the human cloning already started.
2. Lalu Yadav
is invited by IIM-A as a guest lecturer to share his insights into how Indian railways proved again that Elephants Can Dance.
3. Ganguly makes a come-back into the national squad. Surprisingly this time it's not because of closed door meeting with Sharad Power or mambo-jambo by family tantrik, but because he is performing and is needed by the team.

May be as the hypothetical snakes continue to devour each other and the planet continues it's annual journies round the sun, we might find an answer to the conundrum. Till then these are the scoops of possibilities that my ice-cream cone would be filled with :

1. Amitabh continues setting up of newer acting records as the age-gap between him and the actress playing the heroine crosses the threshold of the age of his grand-daughter. In the meanwhile since there wouldn't be any more product left for him to endorse, the scientists will be encouraged to invent newer products. Afterall advertising is the mother of all un-necessary inventions.

2. Future economists and CBI sleuths under the stricter survillence of a non-UPA government will dig out that Lalu Yadav choreographed Elephant Dance was inspired more by Enorn's Ken Lay than IBM's Louis Gerstner. In a daring act to dream beyond IIM, another prestigious management institute that puts a phoney P between the initials of it's so-called rival would confer a honorary doctorate degree on Mr. Yadav for his P-skills.

3. With the correct proportion of gold and silver crushed with 52 rare herbs grown in Emami's greenhouse, adequte dosages of the Sona-Chandi Chawanprash will help Saurav Ganguly to display enough immunity against Proteas pace attack. But since scoring is all about offence rather than defence, the score-board will be brought to a stand-still. Suckers for conspiracy theory amongst Bong-biradari will come up with something really innovative and beyond Wisden's cricketing wisdom. To put things into perspective Mamta Banerjee will declare a strike in Kolkata as a protest and demand the CPI-M to take remedial action.

4. I would continue to blog about co-relation about relavent matters like exhaust of greenhouse gases after too much Rajma-Chawal consumption by Delhi's South Block residents and as a consequence the plight of the poor penguins at Antarctika.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Mid-Day Siesta And Bad Dreams

Middle of the day is the time when usually the unemployed can afford siesta in the comfort of their bed and the employed tries to duck behind their computers or other gadgets of convenience to catch a nap while pretending to work. Since one newspaper in Mumbai has been encouraging its army of reporters to sleep while they work, they call their paper "Mid Day". Only problem is that the sleeping @ Mid-Day after a typical Indian spicy lunch sometimes causes indigestion with acidic hiccups.

So what happens when you like a somnambulist with an acute case of indigestion walk err type while sleeping- your perspectives are all screwed up and you fart the loudest and filthiest. That's why if two persons sneeze in succession the reporter assume that since the first person sneezed first, the second person is merely a copy-cat and following the nasal cue from the first. In his sleep reporting style the bugger fails to realise that both of them might be suffering from the cold and having the same kind of irritation to a varied degree to sneeze first and second.

Anurag Kashyap and Pavan Kaul as their writings on PFC tells me are more than 100% dedicated in their passion towards movies. Read their posts and you can judge for yourself that both are equally in love with their creative sides. And nothing is more joyous to passionate film-makers than to be in touch with other folks who share the warmth about the celluloid world in the same way they do. That's the reason both of them are now writing regular posts on the new-found adda of filmdom ie. PFC. Only difference was Anurag came on-board much earlier to Pavan.

But what signal Mr. Somnambulist @Mid-Day gets from these chain of events ? His reading that Pavan is merely xeroxing Mr. Kashyap and justifies that too with his own medical diagnosis.

"Kashyap is a self-proclaimed blogger and shares his personal accounts of moviemaking with others because it's therapeutic. We wonder what kind of illness Kaul needs therapy for. Could it possibly have anything to do with that disastrous flick, Shhhh….? "

Its high time someone slaps the reporter tightly and wakes him up from his slumber @Mid Day. Will someone please do the honours.