Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Can You Feel The Love Tonite ?

Tomorrow is Feb 14-th a day marked on the calender with a Nerolac shade of mera-wallah pink to celebrate the love and other contagious viruses in the air - for tommorow's the Valentine's Day.

After a trend-analysis of previous few years graph that showed no ups-and-downs, the predictions are that we will be witnessing these incidents across our nation :

1. The cupid at Hallmark will have its arrow aimed right on target at the growing purchasing power of emerging Indian middle class.
2. Tommorrow will record the highest sales of roses, greeting cards, soft toys and multiplex tickets all at pricest of prices.
3. The left out singles will hide inside the deepest dungeons just after declaring the futility of this date as a commercial ploy by the multinational gift-selling corporations.
4. There would be a steep rise in liquor sale to quench the thirsty Devdas-es who've lost their Paro-s to circumstances beyond their control.
5. Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal will let out fumes of anger at the moral degradation of traditional Indian values.

As usual they have decided not to sit idle and let their energys spent in the worthwhile cause of maintaining the neighbourhood's Basanti's Izzat-N-Abru in a brand new showroom condition. In case you missed out the last years agenda or the years before that, here is the re-freshed/re-phrased plan of action for this year:

We request young couples not to visit parks and restaurants or organize parties on Valentine's Day. Those who do not listen to us will be beaten up," Ved Prakash Sachchan, the convener of the militant Hindu group Bajrang Dal, told The Associated Press in Lucknow, the capital of Uttar Pradesh, India's most populous state.

"In the name of Valentine's Day, there is an attempt to westernize Indian culture and we will not allow this to happen," he added.

Hindu activists also have put up billboards across Lucknow asking young lovers not to hold hands in public.

Traditional Indian society does not approve of public displays of affection between the sexes, including hand-holding and kissing.

Another Hindu hardline organization, the Shiv Sena, has said it will photograph couples caught in supposed compromising positions and hand over the pictures to their parents. Volunteers will stake out public parks, cinemas and shopping malls to "keep an eye on young people," Vijay Tiwari of the Shiv Sena said.

Certain things will never change, although I might find myself growing from 16 to 32. And in this 16 years, BSE might have rose and fall unpredictably, but the Bajrangis and Sainiks have always lived upto my expectations. Thanks to their tireless efforts to warn me that today is when the firangi St. Valentines wishes to corrupt an innocent Indian like me, tonight I am feeling again like my 16 year old wide-eyed avatar - who earnestly longed to be corrupted just by holding hands and kissing in public.

I am quite liking the way I'm feeling young at heart. And all those well-wishers spamming my inbox with on online prescriptions for promised Fountain of Youth - you can now go to cyber-hell. As a token of gratitude towards my militant Hindu brothers, I am now determined to give a befitting reply to all those spammers. How about sending each of them a mail with a subject-line of "Jai Bajrangbali" and a body-text of "Hanuman Chalisa" typed in Monotype Corsiva font size of 48 ?


Shreemoyee said...

Are you sure you didn't get a nomination in the humour category for the indie bloggies? Yes I am one of the ones hiding in a dungeon :) Happy Valentine's day.

biplab said...

Just Jaattaaa!!...Kaththaa habe naa bishe...Lorde (sorry, likhe) jaa.

Bishu said...

@Shreemoyee: Don't tell anyone, my IP forging s/w didn't pass the security checks at Indibloggies. So only 2 votes(1 from home pc & the other from office) didn't qualify me for the honor. Now that the next awards will be after 1 year I've all the time in the world to fix the bugs. So maybe next year... ;)
Even I took a refuge in the dungeons the next day as I spent the whole valentines day in the confines of my office cubicle, despite the promise of a candle-light dinner.

@Biplob-da: Lorai-lorai-lorai chai,Lorai kore banchte chai!! Likhe jachii,tomra peeth chapdale bhaloi laage. Jaanoi to ajonmo baar-khor ami.

Joy Forever said...

Well... one year they had said that they would forcibly get the couples married. That would be a sure shot way of getting married overcoming family objections: holding hands in public on Valentine's Day.

Bishu said...

@Joy, Surely these Bajrangis have all the time in their hands to ponder upon things otherwise not thought of even when you have nothing else to do. Had I known this info of getting married by Hindu militants earlier, I could've cut down my marriage cost to almost zero.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bishu! This is krutika from Mumbai. I like your style of writing-you remind me of good ol' R.K Narayan...one whose writing reflected a better meal combo than those of Mc Donald’s(of- Humor and Wit)...keep up with the good work. You can add me to the avid-readers lists for your blog now!
P.s-my email id if you would like a drop in a word or two- sweetabeta@gmail.com
Thanks c ya!

Bishu said...

Krurtika thanks a lot for all the praises. They had quite an impact on me - I was literally swept over my feet and is nursing the protusion steadily growing on my forehead. And as for the comparison with R.K. Narayan I take it as an April fool's joke. But do keep visiting. Your visits do maketh JBTU the blog it should be.

Anonymous said...

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