Baby Producing Machines ?

Japan has always topped the list of countries with the least of back problems among its inhibitants.This is indeed remarkable considering the robotic amount of time an average Japanese spends at the workplace. The clue to this remarkable mystery lies in the hierarchical structure of the Japanese society.

The Japanese son always bows in front of the Japanese father everytime they meet. The Japanese father in turn always bows in front of the Japanese grand-father everytime they meet. The Japanese grand-father in turn always bows in front of the Japanese great-grandpa's photograph everytime he looks at the wall.

In short, to maintain the hierarchy the Japanese folks require to bow at each other everytime their paths crossed. Since the Japanese are also known to be very courteous, the person bowed at also bows back, except for the great grand-pa from the pictures. For this reason the "The Land of the Rising Sun" also earned the name of "The Land of the Bowing Sans".

It's no medical wonder that the constant exercise of tilting at 45 degrees angle around 20 times a day, keeps the back-pain far-far away. On an average a Japanese male spends a quarter of his life-time in bowing. Another half is spent at workplace inventing and perfecting the Sony TVs, Honda Cars for the benefit of the lazy US population. A half of the remaining quarter is spent in sleeping, eating, excreting and other essential routine jobs of a human life which Sony or Honda is still trying to automate without much success.

So overall there is hardly anytime left for reproducing future "Bowing Sans" who will carry on the traditional pyramidal hierarchy. Not to be daunted by the lack of time among the people the Japanese health minister Mr. Yanagisawa has devised the concept of the "baby producing machines". Despite the brilliant design, his baby churning assembly-line didn't meet the Kaizan standards of quality control and is sadly getting scrapped.

In a speech discussing Japan's falling birthrate, Yanagisawa on Jan. 27 said "the number of machines that produce babies is fixed, so each woman has to have more babies," according to the Asahi newspaper. [source]

Now whether the female population of Japan co-operates with Yanagisawa's grand scheme to work overtime in raising the sagging birthrates needs to be seen. But if they fail to agree with Yanagisawa san plans, I'm sure the scientists toiling days-n-nights across the Japanese labs will come up with the perfect baby producing machines that'll even put the Toyota assembly line to shame. Maybe in the coming years we see more of toddlers bowing at each-other across the length and width of all of the Nippon land.

Time for me to take a bow before signing off.

Youth Curry to Miss Its Spice

We, the Hindus, are the most creative people on this goddamn earth and heaven. Even before the population of the earth reached this figure, we created the whole set of 33 crores gods just to make the lives of future mythologists miserable.

To celebrate our penchant for creativity we worship the biggest symbol of creativity : The Divine Phallus fornicating with the Divine Vagina. This image is otherwise known as Shiva-Lingam and seen in many mandirs across the length and breadth of the country.

Some creative smart-ass in JAM magazine had used the image of a Shiva-Lingam to pass on the following message on The World Aids Day : "Khada ho to Condom Chahiye" [ie. If it's erect you need a condom].

You must be smiling that muchki (mischevious for non-Bongs) smile and thinking to yourself what's so offensive about it. Allow me list down the top reasons that hit my creative mind immediately.

1. You are trying to choke up the very essence of creativity with a wrapping of latex. Have you ever wondered what will happen if the pressure building up inside ever burst out ? That's more than enough to bring the world to perils, you silly non-believer.

2. Where is the sensivity towards the erection-challenged folks you creative moron ? After all Manmohan and Arjun that tries their best not to chuck-off the minorities from any of national activities. Next time try to keep the entire population in mind while sending out anti-aids message or be prepared to face the minority wrath.

3. For a moment leave aside national pride and try to consider the report on exported latex malfunction in Indian sub-continent conditions to be true. Then this seems to be another hatched conspiracy to demean the length and breath of our much worshipped divine phallus.

4. Don't preach something that is not 100% statiscally accurate without accompanying fine print to detail out the exceptions. Ask any guy who has vented his carnal desires with his own hands(ie. musterbated). You'll come to know only an erection doesnot gaurantee usage of the rubber.

Sadly these pearls of creative wisdom were not present in the jewellery set of the JAM editor. In a light-hearted humor she allowed the ad to be printed that offended people belonging to the above categories. Pretty soon someone took this matter to higher authorities saying that their precious fragile sentiments have been hurt.

When sentiments are hurt, it's a No-Mercy policy in India. Afterall we are a sentimental nation yaar...try playing with our sentiments and we'll burn the trains, pull down the statues until you do something to get our sentiments back to its intact state. Hardly left with any other choices, facing a non-bailable warrant, all Rashmi Bansal could do is to go under-the-ground in a Sita like effort to prove her innocence.

I'm hoping sooner or later she will be unearthed to her innocent glory. Whatever be the case, JAM has surely lost the "Just Another" epithet. Now it's more of a "Trust Another" Magazine till the editor returns back to her editing desk. Waiting for the spice in the Youth Curry to come back.

Update: She's back and blogging with a vengence while we Indians continue to appreciate our creativity by bowing in front of the Divine Phallus and doing our share of what is required to become the most populous country in the whole world.