Rukawat ke liye khed hain

As I keyed in my username/password into blogger login pages, my request was immediately heard by the ever alert login process. Wasting not even a nano-second it immediately forked a thread to probe into the blogger database and returned with the details of my user profile. The log-in process made no error to remind me that my last post was on Mar 27-th.

Had it been attached to the code snippet to handle emotions,it surely would've added the extra words "Lazy bum your last login was May 27-th". But last heard Google labs haven't had met with success in doing so --- so mercifully I was spared of the humiliations.

Coming back to the topic of long absence between the period of India booted out of 50 overs WC to India lifting T20 WC --- it's really been a long time since my browser has opened the blogger URL. Frankly speaking blogging was replaced by slogging at the office after a job change in May.
But that's not an excuse for there are hell lot of blogger --who work 26 hours a day yet continues to churn out posts with nearly the same regularity as the toiling obstetricians in the maternity wards around the country continues to show the light of the day to newer babies.

So the real excuse is my inability to prioritize the fine splits of minutes spent in deciding which topping and which bread to choose from the Subway offering to something more creative like writing a blog. But then again the moment I try to write a blog the question arise what topic to write about. Usually the easiest to pick up is the nautanki provided by politicos both desi and videsi variety. Sadly by the time I scourge through my RSS subscriptions to find a news and do a google search for the finer details all it returns is 50000 links by more alert bloggers.

So next in list cometh the movie reviews --- infact everytime I see a movie I mentally write a blog post about it. But then again the moment I come to print about it I see another 600000 techorati tags showing the same content. Baffled by the stiff competiton I am forced for a change of marketing strategy -- tread in the least treaded paths ---switch to personal experiences.

As soon as this proposal is placed in the shareholders meeting of grey-cells in my brain who are responsible for maintaining this blog , the pluses and minuses are being weighed by the legal team. Any De-saad esque escapades are a strict no-no, else as the great Baburao Apte said "Raat ko Ramlaal ke saath sona padega". So what remains is still a dangling question mark pf what's left whose curve is no joy to look at.

Till I straighten out the "kutte ki teri doom" types question mark, my regularity of posts will be comparable to the times Fardeen Khan gets the best actor of the year award. On second thoughts make it the number of times CPM threatens to withdraw support from UPA . That'll ensure atleast 3 posts a quarter.

ps: To all the kind hearted souls that kept asking online in blog/orkut or offline about what happened to this blog, this post thanks u all for reminding me to blog while I slog. Otherwise living is all about just inhaling O2 and exhaling CO2...not much fun it that.

Off-Stumped Vision

It was the worst of times and it was the worst of times. Of the two firangi coaches in Indian subcontinent, one was left murdered after an un-predictable defeat and the other was seen hiding behind a bullet-proof glass while his team was getting booted out of world cup. That, in short, was how cricketing fate of two neighbors had been over the last one week.

While Bob Woolmer's yet to be solved murder mystery throws a light on the criminalization of the gentleman's game, India's defeat and the aftermath surely shows the huge scale of commercialization of the game. The only thing common between legitimate and illegitimate businessmen sitting on the two sides of the fence is the exorbitant amount of money they throw in.

But the glaring difference lies in the fact that while betting rings can hedge their investments, the corporate world doesn't have much cushion when their logo displaying players flop. So likewise the hype is created before the tournaments, the media thrashing is largely driven by interests of those who have invested into this circus. That's probably I'm ranting my investment of S$100/- that allowed me to watch only 3 matches played by India.

I'm now curious how the corporate world will implement the hedging concept when they will sign the next contracts with these walking bill-boards. Would there be penalty clause for every catches dropped, every ball misjudged and every extras bowled? If that be the case then the cricketers could hedge their earnings by secret tie-ups with the betting association for each of these penalties. So the thrill will be in speculating for every ball bowled whether the sponsor paid more for the batsman to hit a six or the better paid more to give a lolly catch to a pre-determined fielder. Just like stocks and bonds, the game of cricket will again enjoy the odds of uncertainty making the matches worthwhile watches. Also if you have access to inside information, you can make some hay while the sun shines.

And those of you complain about Krish Srikant's nonsensical analysis – there’s good news for you as well. In future you might see these ex-cricketers replaced with market analysts and conmen who’ll be much more knowledgeable on the odds and evens of the game than those who have wielded the willow. Add a lil dash of Rakhi Sawant and Mandira Bedi to this cocktail and what you get will be total entertainment.

Till all these goodies come to the cricketing world, left with much less option, I'll be cheering for Sri Lanka in this world cup, for their obvious Bong Connection.

Amar Naam-Tomar Naam, Nandigram-Nandigram !!

"Amar Naam-Tomar Naam, Vietnam-Vietnam" [ English: My name-Your name is Vietnam-Vietnam]

This was the slogan that as a young leader Budhadev had been shouting his lungs out across the streets of Kolkata. Because then Vietnam was merely not a country located somewhere in SE Asia - it was an ideology that defined what fighting spirit meant. It was an ideology that took side of the David against the Goliath - the ill-equipped Vietkongs against the mighty American Imperialism.

But that was long-long time ago – more than three-four decades ago. During these dull times of sinking WB economy, Buddhadev rose from his student leadership days to become the C.M. of West Bengal. From the day one he made one point clear - he was a no-nonsense C.M. whose motto was to bring back the long-lost economic glory of W.B. Everyone was glad to see a communist leader who earnestly speaks of foreign investments, disinvestments, importance of private sectors and so on.

After sometime his efforts paid off – investors started coming in. We were beginning to shred off our usual skeptical "Kissu hobe nah" attitude and start dreaming with Brand Buddha. Of course the distracters were there - a group of disgruntled intellectuals, bunch of disillusioned Naxalites and a crazy opposition who kept on saying this was not the way towards prosperity. We didn't pay any heed to these barking dogs and prayed for the caravan to pick up the gears.

Then came the Singur SEZ controversy - so far we were told industrialization meant heavy investments, creation of a lot of new jobs, improved lifestyle for all - in short Sonar Bangla at your doorsteps. But why do the farmers and share-croppers disapproved the idea of sacrificing their lands for our bright future. We were initially assured they are only a handful; the majority has already willingly given their share of land to this noble purpose.

The problem was in an age where information is accessible like never before, the claims of the government were very short-lived. We saw faces of hopeless farmers, whose sole means of livelihood were getting snatched, telling their side of the story on our television. We were shaken but not stirred - we thought these people need to be explained the importance of industrialization. Only then they will happily jump in the party.

Meanwhile the opposition leader Mamnta Bannerji started her brand of gimmick politics and a series of bandhs ensued. The govt. responded in its usual arrogant manner. Still we were waiting for good sense to prevail and open the windows to the dawn of prosperity. Contrary to our hope, things worsened to the extent of fencing the proposed factory side and declaring curfew to prevent people from bringing down those fences.

While Singur was creating the waves, the next proposed area for SEZ or rather a part of it, Nandigram was feeling the tremors. Without much surprises the villagers at Nandigram retorted back, saying a “BIG NO” to land acquisition for the proposed SEZ. But where the surprise came was the intensity with which they fought back. Such was the furore that local party cadres of CPI-M had to flee their houses - this was something never seen before incident in rural Bengal - the strongest hold of CPI-M support in Bengal.

Meanwhile back at Kolkata Writers Building, the government was chalking out its next plan of action - how to win the confidence of the denizens of Nandigram. To restore orders back at Nandigram[read to reinstate CPI-M ], a 4000 strong police force marched their way towards the villages. What followed next was the biggest bloodshed that Midnapore ever witnessed since the days when Matangini Hazra unfurled the Indian tri-color in Tamluk.

The acquisition of fertile land, the figures for a just compensation, the SEZ way of industrialization - were no longer a matter of political debate over a cup of tea. The intensity of the terror was more than enough for us to be both shaken and stirred. In fact for the first time since these movements have started, there was a strike that received support from the general public. But what were we protesting against the brutal tactics of LF government or supporting the plight of the farmers?

Were we protesting against the neo-liberal economy that as opposed to classical capitalism doesn't create its own infrastructure? Neither does it ensure equal growth for all the people. Or were we showing our disapproval of SEZ which in itself a declaration of our handicap to ensure that investments can happen anywhere without providing additional carrots for the investor. May be it was a little bit of all of it, which at the end of the day, brought us face to face with the ruthless reality of the neo-liberal economy.

With govt declaring that no land will be acquired for SEZ over there, Nandigram might return to normalcy, may be over a period of time people will forget about the deaths, but the debate over which is the correct avenue to prosperity needs to happen. Do we really need the SEZs - where labor laws are relaxed (ie. easier exploitation), where the govt indirectly use my tax money to support Mr. Money-Bag Investor? Do we need to revisit our decadent land laws - does the right to own property or even more the right to livelihood qualify for a rethinking? Another aspect is with more stress of heavy/medium industries what role agriculture play in WB economics ? Will it co-exist with industrial cities in and around the fertile Gangetic Delta or will be dispensed away.

Until these questions are answered the brand Buddha might have the halo - but it will fail to illuminate us in these times of darkness. Until then Nandigram will signify the indomitable spirit of freedom - the freedom to live with head held high. And who knows may be today’s youth who'll be tomorrow's leaders are already shouting on the streets of Kolkata "Amar Naam-Tomar Naam, Nandigram-Nandigram".

ps: Sunil Ganguly, possibly the biggest name among living Bengali writers and also an ardent Buddhadev fan said that for a C.M, Buddha is remarkable in terms of the number of Sunil's poems he recites from memory. There was also a poem penned by the C.M's uncle Sukanta Bhattacharya about how the stairs that you climb in an effort to reach heights have their own revenge by toppling you down in Emperor Humayun style. I hope with his photographic memory Buddhababu still remembers those lines while planning for the next course of action.

Update: Hypocrisy takes a new meaning when the CPI-M will hold protests against the Reliance-promoted SEZ of Navi Mumbai on Friday.

India Uncut : Dude Where Does My Magazine Subscription Go ?

Amit VermaVarma, undoubtedly India's most-read blogger, had crossposted an article from Mint about the how the dumb-headed babus at GoI offices are chanelling our tax money for purposes that ulimately serve no-one. To prove his case, he cites our FM's allocation of "Rs. 563.88 crores for the Department of Ayurveda, Yoga and Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homeopathy" in 07 budget.

These days we are getting so much used to read these kinda news. I even developed a natural reflex action - Read the story, then take a deep sigh and if the figures are too high nodd your head heavily in disapprovement. If the figures are not too high, nodd my head less vehmently, while chucking out a Tsk-tsk sound out of my tounge. When all these steps are over, I finally get back to my life and forget about the misuse of my tax-money. Somehow today I went beyond my natural reflex action and instead of a deeper sigh, took the deeper googling route to this piece of news item. A little probe lead me to this particular government department's (also known by sweet acronym AYUSH) website.

What I gathered from this website that folks in this department are supporting:

753 Ayurvedic hospitals with a total bed-capacity of 35182
223 Homoeopathy hospitals with a total bed-capacity of 11205
15193 Ayurvedic dispensaries and 5634 Homoeopathy dispensaries
450 UG Colleges with an admission capacity of 24880
57 PG Colleges with an admission capacity of 2128
9493 manufacturing units of which 7997 are producing Ayurvedic medicines.

If these figures don't carry any meaning, let me share another fact from their Citizen's Charter [link in pdf] - Among this list, there is the Advanced Ayurvedic Centre for Mental Health in none-other than the renowned medical institute NIMHANS. Now if NIMHANS can be claimed as a center for psuedo-science, then probably Freud was a voodo magician too.

Asides from all these figures AYUSH is responsible for enforcing the quality control for all Ayurvedic, Homeopathic and natural medicines. In other words they are responsible that we are not sold cow-urine in the name of natural medicines. Not sure if that pisses off Amit or not.

Also if you want to know more about what happens to your tax money at AYUSH, here's one more info - AYUSH also manages the company known as Indian Medicines Pharmacutical Corporation Ltd. This is one of those sarkaari units that, to the joy of the libertarians around blogging world, the GoI hope to disinvest. Incidentally this company's net worth is Rs. 316 crore and made a profit Rs.0.77 crore in 2003 as per the last figure Google could obtain for me from the net.

So does the allocation of Rs.563.88 crores to AYUSH sounds money going to drains? After browsing through all these figures, even my most skeptic avatar also fails to agree that AYUSH is something similar to moustache allowance of Lucknauwi Havaldar.

Before making my point about Amit's nearly research-less work, let me put the disclaimer I am in no way a fan of our FM, neither I say GoI is the best when it comes to plan the crores of tax-payers' money. In fact if somebody decides to rank the governments around globe for planning their expenses, I've no doubt India's position in the list might be even worse than its FIFA ranking.

Having said that let me come back to the point I'm trying to make. Unlike any other fukat-main-blog-likhnewala blogger, Amit is a journalist who's paid by the paper that publishes his articles. Being paid for these articles makes him even more responsible for checking the facts and figures before making it to print. As far his blogging is concerned, it's his blog - his own space in this big WWW. He is fully entitled to write whatever he feels like. Heck, I wouldn't mind even if he cook-up gossips about the Bollywood nymphets without backing them up with hard evidence.

But Amit dude, when it comes to serious journalism, please do make it a point to do your research work (it took me only 10-15 minutes of surfing time ) just to see if any single paisa of the enormous Rs. 563.88 crore has been put to any good use or not. Otherwise your articles are no different from those extra-imaginative journos at HT Tabloid who get paid to update us about Bipasha Bose and Celina Jaitley's sex life at regular intervals that you keep on cribbing about. Atleast I don't have sources to verify their stories and also I don't hear the nymphets protesting about misquotes.

Looking at the state of things, may be I should to start a series of posts on "Where does your Magazine Subscription fees Go?". The first in the series would definitely touch upon aspects of "Funding the Cow-Lover" to pay for his broadband connection which happens to be a prime requirement for his bovine Google Search.

ps: Bongopondit's take on the same AYUSH fund allocation in the lines of why bio-technology gets only a fraction more to natural medicine was much more sensible than Amit's take. Then again, he's not paid a single cent to write about it. May be that is where the difference between passion and profession kicks in.

The Q-Factor

The Q factor for Physics
The Wikipedia defines :

The Q factor or quality factor compares the time constant for decay of an oscillating physical system's amplitude to its oscillation period. Equivalently, it compares the frequency at which a system oscillates to the rate at which it dissipates its energy. A higher Q indicates a lower rate of energy dissipation relative to the oscillation frequency. For example, a pendulum suspended from a high-quality bearing, oscillating in air, would have a high Q, while a pendulum immersed in oil would have a low one.

A higher Q indicates a lower rate of energy dissipation relative to the oscillation frequency. For example, a pendulum suspended from a high-quality bearing, oscillating in air, would have a high Q, while a pendulum immersed in oil would have a low one.

The Q factor is particularly useful in determining the qualitative behavior of a system. For example, a system with Q less than or equal to 1/2 cannot be described as oscillating at all, instead the system is said to be in an overdamped (Q < q =" 1/2)"> 1/2, the system's amplitude oscillates, while simultaneously decaying exponentially. This regime is referred to as underdamped.

The Q factor for Indian Politics
The Wickedopedia defines :

The Q factor or the Quattrocchi factor compares the time constant for decay of an oscillating Indian political system's amplitude to its swinging periods.

A higher Q indicates lower rate of political energy dissipation relative to the parliamentarian hungama frequency. For example, when the skeletons at the Congress closet start rattling, the parliament would have a high Q factor. While when the closet is well guarded by CBI (Central Bureau of Indulgence), the Q factor would be a low one.

The Q factor is particularly useful in determining the qualitative behavior of a political system. For example, a regime that tends to undermine the Q factor to vanshing values, cannot be described as vacillating at all, instead the government is called an overthumped Congress government. However, if Q goes on higher values, the benches in the parliament shake, while simultaneously creaking and cracking exponentially, that opposition is definitely an underhumped non-Congress one.

Can You Feel The Love Tonite ?

Tomorrow is Feb 14-th a day marked on the calender with a Nerolac shade of mera-wallah pink to celebrate the love and other contagious viruses in the air - for tommorow's the Valentine's Day.

After a trend-analysis of previous few years graph that showed no ups-and-downs, the predictions are that we will be witnessing these incidents across our nation :

1. The cupid at Hallmark will have its arrow aimed right on target at the growing purchasing power of emerging Indian middle class.
2. Tommorrow will record the highest sales of roses, greeting cards, soft toys and multiplex tickets all at pricest of prices.
3. The left out singles will hide inside the deepest dungeons just after declaring the futility of this date as a commercial ploy by the multinational gift-selling corporations.
4. There would be a steep rise in liquor sale to quench the thirsty Devdas-es who've lost their Paro-s to circumstances beyond their control.
5. Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal will let out fumes of anger at the moral degradation of traditional Indian values.

As usual they have decided not to sit idle and let their energys spent in the worthwhile cause of maintaining the neighbourhood's Basanti's Izzat-N-Abru in a brand new showroom condition. In case you missed out the last years agenda or the years before that, here is the re-freshed/re-phrased plan of action for this year:

We request young couples not to visit parks and restaurants or organize parties on Valentine's Day. Those who do not listen to us will be beaten up," Ved Prakash Sachchan, the convener of the militant Hindu group Bajrang Dal, told The Associated Press in Lucknow, the capital of Uttar Pradesh, India's most populous state.

"In the name of Valentine's Day, there is an attempt to westernize Indian culture and we will not allow this to happen," he added.

Hindu activists also have put up billboards across Lucknow asking young lovers not to hold hands in public.

Traditional Indian society does not approve of public displays of affection between the sexes, including hand-holding and kissing.

Another Hindu hardline organization, the Shiv Sena, has said it will photograph couples caught in supposed compromising positions and hand over the pictures to their parents. Volunteers will stake out public parks, cinemas and shopping malls to "keep an eye on young people," Vijay Tiwari of the Shiv Sena said.

Certain things will never change, although I might find myself growing from 16 to 32. And in this 16 years, BSE might have rose and fall unpredictably, but the Bajrangis and Sainiks have always lived upto my expectations. Thanks to their tireless efforts to warn me that today is when the firangi St. Valentines wishes to corrupt an innocent Indian like me, tonight I am feeling again like my 16 year old wide-eyed avatar - who earnestly longed to be corrupted just by holding hands and kissing in public.

I am quite liking the way I'm feeling young at heart. And all those well-wishers spamming my inbox with on online prescriptions for promised Fountain of Youth - you can now go to cyber-hell. As a token of gratitude towards my militant Hindu brothers, I am now determined to give a befitting reply to all those spammers. How about sending each of them a mail with a subject-line of "Jai Bajrangbali" and a body-text of "Hanuman Chalisa" typed in Monotype Corsiva font size of 48 ?

A Bullet for a Bullet

According to this Reuters report the U.N. is pretty serious in its business of supervision of arms agreement between the Maoists and Nepalese government. As a part of the exercise, the U.N officials are visiting the Maoist camps to evaluate the sanitory conditions. Being a member of tissue wiping Western society, Ian Martin, the represntative of the U.N. secretary general, had found the standards quite unsatisfactory. Which is not surprising as he's quite alien to the concept of answering the nature's call amidst nature. But what intrigues me is not his apathy towards the Indian sub-continental practice of the shortest route to human waste recycling. Rather the interesting part of the news is the way that this particular arms agreement is being carried out.

The arms will be locked in containers watched by U.N. monitors. The Maoists will keep the keys, and the army will also store an equal number of weapons before the election set for June.

I'm imagining the clerk in charge of maintaining the stocks at the army warehouse asking his supervisor, "Could you approve this purchase order for new kookris. At the last count we fell short by twenty-three pieces against the Maoists' stocks."

The proverbial expression of "a bullet for a bullet" suddenly makes much more sense !!

Naseem: The Morning Breeze

[cross-posted at PassionForCinema.com]

With the release of Parzania and the surrounding controversies I'm reminded of another movie that dealt with the same subject.

Dadaji, yeh ashmaan neela kyun hain
Kyun ki mere ko peela raang pasand nahin, toh maine ise neela rang se paint kiya

This is one of those several memorable dialogue exchanges that characterize the Syed Mirza’s 1995 film Naseem. The story is about a typical Muslim middle-class family at the back-drop of communal tension prior to the Babri Masjid demolition. The movie follows their day-to-day life about a few months before the Dec 6-th events takes place. The initial few reels are spent on strong character built-up based upon the interaction between the two of the main actors. Naseem, played by Mayuri Kango, is a teenage girl who needs answer to a thousand questions. The Grand-pa, played by Kaifi Aazmi, who is living his last few days amongst his memories. As the tremor of the events at Ayodhya casts its shadows, a simple teenage girl goes through the confusion of trying to understand it all.

The brilliance of this movie lays in the amazing simplicity with which director handles the whole script. Nowhere in the movie we have flashing scenes of ravaging communal riots, nor we have high-pitched melodramatic dialouge sparked between the actors. Yet it strongly brings out the terror and anger in the eyes of an average Muslim guy, as the writings on the wall becomes clearer. The different blends of the reactions to this communal tension are aptly given dimension by the different members of the family.

While on one end, lies Kaifi Aazmi’s representation of old-school of tolerance, on the other end lies the elder brother’s (played by Salim Shah) hot-headedness that wants eye-for-an-eye revenge. And in between is torned the mom and dad (played by Uttara Baokar and Khulbhusan Kharbanda) who play the indecisive passive roles in the whole chain of events surrounding their daily lives. The whole spectrum is brought forth through the eyes of the teenager Naseem, superbly under acted by a de-glamorized Mayuri Kango.

The movie ends with the death of the grand-father’s death on 6-th of Dec, the very day that history will remember for an entirely different reason. Perhaps the death signifies the end of the tolerance of an earlier generation that is steadfastly loosing its value amongst the turbulent times.

Sadly this was a last movie for all the three: Syed Mirza as a director, Kaifi Aazmi as an actor and perhaps Mayuri Kango in a lead role. In his last effort of simple yet touching story telling technique involving real life characters, Syed Mirza does leave a mark on his viewer. And maybe simplicity is the sole reason that makes this mark special to last for a lifetime. And therein lays the success of any creativity and its creator.

Baby Producing Machines ?

Japan has always topped the list of countries with the least of back problems among its inhibitants.This is indeed remarkable considering the robotic amount of time an average Japanese spends at the workplace. The clue to this remarkable mystery lies in the hierarchical structure of the Japanese society.

The Japanese son always bows in front of the Japanese father everytime they meet. The Japanese father in turn always bows in front of the Japanese grand-father everytime they meet. The Japanese grand-father in turn always bows in front of the Japanese great-grandpa's photograph everytime he looks at the wall.

In short, to maintain the hierarchy the Japanese folks require to bow at each other everytime their paths crossed. Since the Japanese are also known to be very courteous, the person bowed at also bows back, except for the great grand-pa from the pictures. For this reason the "The Land of the Rising Sun" also earned the name of "The Land of the Bowing Sans".

It's no medical wonder that the constant exercise of tilting at 45 degrees angle around 20 times a day, keeps the back-pain far-far away. On an average a Japanese male spends a quarter of his life-time in bowing. Another half is spent at workplace inventing and perfecting the Sony TVs, Honda Cars for the benefit of the lazy US population. A half of the remaining quarter is spent in sleeping, eating, excreting and other essential routine jobs of a human life which Sony or Honda is still trying to automate without much success.

So overall there is hardly anytime left for reproducing future "Bowing Sans" who will carry on the traditional pyramidal hierarchy. Not to be daunted by the lack of time among the people the Japanese health minister Mr. Yanagisawa has devised the concept of the "baby producing machines". Despite the brilliant design, his baby churning assembly-line didn't meet the Kaizan standards of quality control and is sadly getting scrapped.

In a speech discussing Japan's falling birthrate, Yanagisawa on Jan. 27 said "the number of machines that produce babies is fixed, so each woman has to have more babies," according to the Asahi newspaper. [source]

Now whether the female population of Japan co-operates with Yanagisawa's grand scheme to work overtime in raising the sagging birthrates needs to be seen. But if they fail to agree with Yanagisawa san plans, I'm sure the scientists toiling days-n-nights across the Japanese labs will come up with the perfect baby producing machines that'll even put the Toyota assembly line to shame. Maybe in the coming years we see more of toddlers bowing at each-other across the length and width of all of the Nippon land.

Time for me to take a bow before signing off.

Long Time No See...Well here I am!!

Phew...it's been a long time since I logged onto blogger. In case any kind soul is interested of what kept me away, the process of cleaning up the gathered pizza crumbs, ketchup stains and empty beer bottles while trying to untangle the cobwebs from a year gone by is never easy. And on top of it, I've been busy surfing the waves of lethargy that kept on crashing at my otherwise hectic work-shores. Overall life is good except for the recently acquirred habit of punching keys in the air.

When you need to reply to 800 odd sms-es from people known and unknown to counter-express your festive greetings of the season, you develop a habit of keying sms-es even in your sleep. But now I'm happy that Steve Jobbs must've heard of my symptoms and decided to gift humanity the keyless wonder-gadget called iPhone. Only problem is now my amazing skills of typing sms-es blindfold with one hand tied at the back will be lost. But since it's all about the progress of mankind, like a true benefactor of mankind I'll let my skills be trumpled under the wheels of civilization.

Speaking of the progress of mankind, we saw quite a few gaint strides in all spheres of life, especially politics and filmdom. Afterall when it comes to keep the TRP ratings of news channels soaring, there's no competition to the Neta-Abhineta pairs. So the year began by the extravagenza of Saddam Hussain's swan-song at the noose. Apparently George W. Bush who had never approved anything of Saddam, without any surprises expressed his dislike on the manner of the execution.

I guess he was expecting a couple of dancing cheerleaders over there. But as usual life is always unfair, all the aesthetically deprived Iraqi authorities could come up with is masked hangmen. So I hear Bush has unveiled a grand plan of sending more and more troops to impart the Iraqis with finer sense of doing things. However it came with a disclaimer that said the side effects might include missed missile, aeral bombing and mortar shells, all hitting the wrong targets.

About targets, the latest bull-eye that the journos hit recently is the marriage announcement of Jr. Bachchan with Ms. Rai. It took long and it took a few crore losses from benovalent producers before Ash was finally confirmed that her movie career is going no-where. As soon as that fact was established, all that the journos did was to fill up the dates in the final published version of their drafts. No wonder given the amount of time these drafts of were lying in the hard-disks of all major media offices, the coverage was such instantneous and such a hit.

Let me wish the couple make a more successful pair in their real life than what it had been in their reel life. And one more word of gratitude to the Bachchans when they persuaded the Chopras to pull out the kiss scence from Dhoom2. Now if they can shelve the prints of all her plastic doll potrayal that would be pure nirvana. But since keeping in tradition of Adarsh Bharatiya Naari busy managing her kitchen, Ash might spare the movie lovers from her wodden acting skills I will remain content with that.

Another recent spark of an Adarsh Bharatiya Naari who grabbed the world media bytes was our Churake-dil-mera girl Shilpa Shetty. Since the media and experts from Uzbeckistan to Uganda, Bolivia to Borivelli have already spoken about this issue, lemme not delve into it any further. However, in an age where the routine of trivialities being hyped and encashed was becoming stale, it's raises a lot of hope for the entrepreneur in me to see there are still takers for carefully manufactured baits.

Well that was whatever blog-worthy happenings during my absence here. With the waves of lethargy calling once again, time for me to catch my surf-board and run.

Before We Rejoice Jessica Laal Verdict

Excerpts from BBC report on "India's elite feel courts' heat"

Supreme Court lawyer Bharat Sangal cautions, however, that "two swallows do not make a summer".

He says in the Shibu Soren and Navjot Sidhu cases, the convictions are based on direct evidence, but in the Jessica Lal and Priyadarshini Mattoo cases, the high court depended on a lot on circumstantial evidence.

"The crucial test will come when the cases go into the Supreme Court as appeal. The Supreme Court generally does not give much importance to circumstantial evidence. The important thing then will be whether the highest court upholds these convictions or not," he said.

Interesting to know that the battle is half-won. Does the red-turban theory still stand a chance ? My bet is Jethmalani is already preparing for the final showdown.

Youth Curry to Miss Its Spice

We, the Hindus, are the most creative people on this goddamn earth and heaven. Even before the population of the earth reached this figure, we created the whole set of 33 crores gods just to make the lives of future mythologists miserable.

To celebrate our penchant for creativity we worship the biggest symbol of creativity : The Divine Phallus fornicating with the Divine Vagina. This image is otherwise known as Shiva-Lingam and seen in many mandirs across the length and breadth of the country.

Some creative smart-ass in JAM magazine had used the image of a Shiva-Lingam to pass on the following message on The World Aids Day : "Khada ho to Condom Chahiye" [ie. If it's erect you need a condom].

You must be smiling that muchki (mischevious for non-Bongs) smile and thinking to yourself what's so offensive about it. Allow me list down the top reasons that hit my creative mind immediately.

1. You are trying to choke up the very essence of creativity with a wrapping of latex. Have you ever wondered what will happen if the pressure building up inside ever burst out ? That's more than enough to bring the world to perils, you silly non-believer.

2. Where is the sensivity towards the erection-challenged folks you creative moron ? After all Manmohan and Arjun that tries their best not to chuck-off the minorities from any of national activities. Next time try to keep the entire population in mind while sending out anti-aids message or be prepared to face the minority wrath.

3. For a moment leave aside national pride and try to consider the report on exported latex malfunction in Indian sub-continent conditions to be true. Then this seems to be another hatched conspiracy to demean the length and breath of our much worshipped divine phallus.

4. Don't preach something that is not 100% statiscally accurate without accompanying fine print to detail out the exceptions. Ask any guy who has vented his carnal desires with his own hands(ie. musterbated). You'll come to know only an erection doesnot gaurantee usage of the rubber.

Sadly these pearls of creative wisdom were not present in the jewellery set of the JAM editor. In a light-hearted humor she allowed the ad to be printed that offended people belonging to the above categories. Pretty soon someone took this matter to higher authorities saying that their precious fragile sentiments have been hurt.

When sentiments are hurt, it's a No-Mercy policy in India. Afterall we are a sentimental nation yaar...try playing with our sentiments and we'll burn the trains, pull down the statues until you do something to get our sentiments back to its intact state. Hardly left with any other choices, facing a non-bailable warrant, all Rashmi Bansal could do is to go under-the-ground in a Sita like effort to prove her innocence.

I'm hoping sooner or later she will be unearthed to her innocent glory. Whatever be the case, JAM has surely lost the "Just Another" epithet. Now it's more of a "Trust Another" Magazine till the editor returns back to her editing desk. Waiting for the spice in the Youth Curry to come back.

Update: She's back and blogging with a vengence while we Indians continue to appreciate our creativity by bowing in front of the Divine Phallus and doing our share of what is required to become the most populous country in the whole world.

Singur : Who will answer the unanswered questions

With heavyweights like Medha Patkar and her ilk joining the protest against land acquisition at Singur, Mamta Bannerji's movement seems to be gaining momentum. However as expected, what's missing from the movement is the agenda itself. After the Didi joined the movement and took it to bench-breaking heights with her grand show at the West Bengal Vidhansabha, we haven't heard anything as to what the farmers at Singur wanted.

No-one from her camp talked about what were the alternates that the opposition wants the government to consider. In fact there were hardly any dialogues between them about the issue other than news bytes thrown at eachother. All that is left of the movement now is Didi and her personal vendetta against the Left Front.

All that Mamta wants is to gain back her lost foothold in West Bengal politics. To do that all she needs to portray herself as the savior for the down-trodden. The draconian manner with which the government was acquiring agricultural land provided her the right opportunity for her to jump her guns. As the political battle-lines were drawn and swords are crossed, the major questions wherein lies the cause-remedy of the whole issue are receiving little or no attention.

How the entry of newer industry into the West Bengal will take place?
No answer yet.
Will a total back-bending posture ensure the flow of capital or shall we try to weigh the benefits and drawbacks of the proposals in the long term?
No answer yet.
Are the SEZ(Special Economic Zone)s the only way to go or there are alternatives ?
No answer yet.
How were the compensation package determined ? Why it was below the market price for these lands ?
No answer yet.
How will the balance between this newer industry and the people displaced take place?
No answer yet.

One of the reasons we need government machinery is to strike the balance between the capitalist greed and the welfare of the people. Left to them, capitalists would bend every rule in the book to boost the profits and outdo the competitors. That's where the checks and regulations by government are brought in so that in the long run it's a win-win situation of all.

The pro-people CPI-M seems to overlook some of these basic reasons that they justified their parliamentarian struggle as opposed to a revolutionary communist fight against the state. In their willingness to make the Sonar Bangla dream come true they are loosing the perspective of the bigger picture and its responsibility towards the people.

There's no point in denying that at its present economic scenario, West Bengal cannot afford to loose any capital that comes in. The state has lost its credentials a long time back and every effort spent now in regaining that should be applauded. It’s high time to shed away the dogmatism and militant protests and try to join the economic boom that the rest of India is enjoying.


Still what remains unchanged is that the government cannot turn back its face from those who will be displaced due to setting up of newer industrial zones. As the citizens of the state, we ought to know that why the fertile multi-corp yielding land in Singur was the only choice for this Tata factory. The government needs to reveal whether there were other alternative plots considered and what were the reasons for discarding them. Government also needs to disclose if there are any plans that it has to help the displaced farmers to resettle and find means of livelihood.

Unfortunately Buddha-babu and his fellow ministers have left an aura of mystery over these unanswered questions. That's the main reason why Mamta has able to hijack the movement and use it for her own welfare. Going by her past records of how she stood beside the evicted hawkers or the jute-mill workers, it won't be long she'll resort to even more violent tactics to attract more news byte. CPI-M will do what it does best - find an equally befitting answer with its cadres going on a rampage.

Lost amongst the logger-heads of the black-n-white of politics, the very reason for the movement the fate of the displaced farmers will hang on a thread that'll snap the moment Mamta sees another greater news-grabbing opportunity elsewhere. That's where it hurts the most and that's where concerned people dedicated to the cause should apply the balm. Sadly none of our present day politicians seem to fit the bill.

Update: It seems good sense is prevailing in Buddha camp over the compensation to those left jobless. Let's hope for a win-win situation for all, but as the sceptic part of me reminds its optimistic counterpart "If wishes were horses....."

Theory of Circular Eventuality

Do you remember the circular conundrum of one hypothetical snake biting another hypothetical snake's tail and vice-versa. The frillion dollar question was as they continue their circular journey eating each-other what'll be left over at the end ? Unlike the case with Schrodinger's Cat where the choices were only the living and dead cat or both here the possibilities are like blend of different flavours that you can mix-n-match at your neighbourhood ice-cream parlour.

Considering that both the snakes are not consuming at the same rate it could either be parts of the first snake that remains or may be the second one. But if both has same rate of metabolism, then both of them could devour each-other leaving a big NULLness to be pondered upon. Or it would be also possible that the two snake-heads keep on playing catch-me-if-you-can along the circumference of their non-existant bodies for eternity till the entropy of the universe cools down a bit.

The same circular chain of events marks a year of blogging by yours truly. When I wrote my first blog post nearly about a year ago, the signs that made me feel "Oh Boy! it's been soooo long" kind of grumpy mood were :

1. Frailing Amitabh Bachchan carried away in a strecher
2. Lalu Yadav booted out of his sort of baap-ka-jagir Bihar
3. Ganguly unceremoniously thrown out of Team India

So with a grain or rather the whole pack of Tata Namak I sulked into my approaching middle years and started declaring at the drop of hat "You know in our times.....blah..blah..blah!!!"

But now that 06 is coming to an end and 07 lurking around the corners, I see that the tables are turned upside down.

1. Amitabh completed 23 scenes in five hours setting a world record and making me wonder has the human cloning already started.
2. Lalu Yadav is invited by IIM-A as a guest lecturer to share his insights into how Indian railways proved again that Elephants Can Dance.
3. Ganguly makes a come-back into the national squad. Surprisingly this time it's not because of closed door meeting with Sharad Power or mambo-jambo by family tantrik, but because he is performing and is needed by the team.

May be as the hypothetical snakes continue to devour each other and the planet continues it's annual journies round the sun, we might find an answer to the conundrum. Till then these are the scoops of possibilities that my ice-cream cone would be filled with :

1. Amitabh continues setting up of newer acting records as the age-gap between him and the actress playing the heroine crosses the threshold of the age of his grand-daughter. In the meanwhile since there wouldn't be any more product left for him to endorse, the scientists will be encouraged to invent newer products. Afterall advertising is the mother of all un-necessary inventions.

2. Future economists and CBI sleuths under the stricter survillence of a non-UPA government will dig out that Lalu Yadav choreographed Elephant Dance was inspired more by Enorn's Ken Lay than IBM's Louis Gerstner. In a daring act to dream beyond IIM, another prestigious management institute that puts a phoney P between the initials of it's so-called rival would confer a honorary doctorate degree on Mr. Yadav for his P-skills.

3. With the correct proportion of gold and silver crushed with 52 rare herbs grown in Emami's greenhouse, adequte dosages of the Sona-Chandi Chawanprash will help Saurav Ganguly to display enough immunity against Proteas pace attack. But since scoring is all about offence rather than defence, the score-board will be brought to a stand-still. Suckers for conspiracy theory amongst Bong-biradari will come up with something really innovative and beyond Wisden's cricketing wisdom. To put things into perspective Mamta Banerjee will declare a strike in Kolkata as a protest and demand the CPI-M to take remedial action.

4. I would continue to blog about co-relation about relavent matters like exhaust of greenhouse gases after too much Rajma-Chawal consumption by Delhi's South Block residents and as a consequence the plight of the poor penguins at Antarctika.

Mid-Day Siesta And Bad Dreams

Middle of the day is the time when usually the unemployed can afford siesta in the comfort of their bed and the employed tries to duck behind their computers or other gadgets of convenience to catch a nap while pretending to work. Since one newspaper in Mumbai has been encouraging its army of reporters to sleep while they work, they call their paper "Mid Day". Only problem is that the sleeping @ Mid-Day after a typical Indian spicy lunch sometimes causes indigestion with acidic hiccups.

So what happens when you like a somnambulist with an acute case of indigestion walk err type while sleeping- your perspectives are all screwed up and you fart the loudest and filthiest. That's why if two persons sneeze in succession the reporter assume that since the first person sneezed first, the second person is merely a copy-cat and following the nasal cue from the first. In his sleep reporting style the bugger fails to realise that both of them might be suffering from the cold and having the same kind of irritation to a varied degree to sneeze first and second.

Both Anurag Kashyap and Pavan Kaul as their writings on PFC tells me are more than 100% dedicated in their passion towards movies. Read their posts and you can judge for yourself that both are equally in love with their creative sides. And nothing is more joyous to passionate film-makers than to be in touch with other folks who share the warmth about the celluloid world in the same way they do. That's the reason both of them are now writing regular posts on the new-found adda of filmdom ie. PFC. Only difference was Anurag came on-board much earlier to Pavan.

But what signal Mr. Somnambulist @Mid-Day gets from these chain of events ? His reading that Pavan is merely xeroxing Mr. Kashyap and justifies that too with his own medical diagnosis.

"Kashyap is a self-proclaimed blogger and shares his personal accounts of moviemaking with others because it's therapeutic. We wonder what kind of illness Kaul needs therapy for. Could it possibly have anything to do with that disastrous flick, Shhhh….? "

Its high time someone slaps the reporter tightly and wakes him up from his slumber @Mid Day. Will someone please do the honours.

Research work Ornithology Dept,JU

A very well documented research work from the Ornithology department of my alma-mater. Hope avid bird-watchers like me will enjoy it as much I did.

Only two points of criticism to satisfy the Taran Adarsh in me :
1. Wouldn't a Bengali number been more suitable in the background ?
2. Why the Satyam-Sivam-Sundarm bit at the end ?
Reminds only of the DD logo . Or was it a subtle reference to the RK banner movie of the same name that was overflowing with the OOOMPH factor. Huh!!

ps: In case the embedded video-player doesn't open, try clicking the link instead.Worth a dekho.

Update: The link is not working. Possible speculated reason could be the video might have been removed as it was filmed without the consent of the girls. Gimme some more time...will try to find something else to entertain my dear readers.

Diary of Anurag Kashyap

If you are a movie fanatic who eat-drink-sleep movies then leave aside whatever you are doing and click on this photo to your left .


It's Anurag Kashyap , the angry young man of movie-making writing his experiences of making his next movie "NO SMOKING".

Go and find out what the Bollywood looks from inside out and what a director goes through in making of a movie.

Bye bye Pundit-Moshai.

A part of my daily routine, checking for newer blogs with newer topics have been centered around DesiPundit, the one-stop-shop for desi blogs. Day in, Day out Patrix, Kaps,Vulturo, Ash, Neha and others had been bringing us links to the latest and maybe the greatest of the desi blog activities of the day across the globe. Just like an old Bong habit of reading Anandabazar for better secretion of digestive juices, DP had also become a routine, missing which meant something hasn't been done today.

But now I have to discard that and need to look for alternatives. Because Patrix and company have decided to pull the plug on DP. It's very always sad to see someone go, but just like all others aspects of life we will learn to live with it. A BIG THANK YOU to all the DP editors for taking time out of your busy schedules to entertain us for so long. Desi Blogosphere will miss you and so will I.

Wish you guys all the best.

ps: Now that bloglines will be clogged with subscriptions from desi blogger does anyone know of any other alternatives ?

Singur : Early Symptoms of the Disesase

The early symptoms of the uneven growth have started at Singur. It's like snatching the box of chocolates from the child and give it to the bully. To compensate the child do get a lollipop to suck at. What happens next, child keeps on sucking the lollipop till it finishes and then starts crying while looking for another box of chocolates. Knowing the chocolate-boxes don't come free, the child learns to steals them. Mr. Bully keeps on bullying as usual....nothing changes except for the fact that we taught the child to steal.

Long long time ago there used to be fisheries across the vast expanse of land, what now is known as Salt Lake, the most coveted piece in Kolkata's real estate map. All the lands were accquired by displacing the fisherman and other related professionals in that area. They were pushed back to nearby villages like Bantala, Chingrighata and likes.

In due course of time these villages became the one of the most crime-prone areas nearby Kolkata when the displaced villagers took up to petty crimes and then went onto bigger things. Does the name of Anita Dewan, a health worker raped and murdered in broad daylight on the streets of Bantala ring a bell ? Such was the crime rate in those areas, that I remember a friend of mine who happened to an US citizen staying in Kolkata got a letter from US embassy advising him to avoid going to those places.

And what happened to the female folks who had excelled in handicrafts like knitting the fishing nets and such-alike? Left with no other option, they became the major source of constant supply to the domestic help required in the Salt Lake's posh colonies. But so long as the real estate prices in Salt Lake kept on shooting up, we placed garlands after garlands on the statue of Dr. B.C.Roy.

As they correctly say all that glitters is not gold!!

How Green Was My...Err Their(?) Valley

The guy masterminds an attack on the Parliament. The guy is tried and is sentenced to death. The public life is brought to a standstill by protests demanding mercy for the sentenced. If this all sounds familiar, no I am not talking about Mohammed Afzal Guru but Shaheed-e-Azam Bhagat Singh. The irony of the similarity between the two situations makes us once again stand in front of the mirror to have a second thought.

Personally I have little reason to believe that the same court that had dismissed charges against S A R Geelani, another suspect in the attack, had some jaati-dushmani with Md. Afzal Guru to award him life sentence. The charges and evidences were strong enough for the Judge saab to pronounce such a sentence. But leaving aside the merits-demerits of the case the greater question is why the major part Kashmiris are all rallying behind the cause of Guru's pardon?

The act of attacking the parliament which happens to be the central institution of Indian democracy can be broadly equated to an attack on the democracy itself. So why do the people of Kashmir that happens to be an integral part of India is protesting against the sentence of someone who tried to smash the foremost institution of democracy ? The CM of Kashmir, not be overdone by his opposition's grand show of support for Afzal, joins the bandwagon. The man who had takem the oath to upheld the Indian constitutional democracy and the country's sovereignity goes on to pleads clemency for someone who tried to attack the very symbol of Indian democracy. This is happening only and only because this issue is closer to the hearts of the Kashmiri people. To sway aside this sentiment of the Kasmiri common public as a part of cheap political gimmick will be the bluntest argument.

On the other hand pardoning Afzal Guru's death sentence might have dire consequences. We might see a deja-vu of the compelling situation that led to Masood Azhar's liberation and subsequent creation of JeM and then loss of further lives. To let this guy remain in prison will bring nothing more than further attempts from his jihadi comrades, who need his planning capability for their own cause of destruction. And who knows already plans are being chalked out for the next AI plane hijack.

To show mercy to the killer of the guards at the parliament who died fighting would be an insult to their brave sacrifices. Knowing the Catch 22 situation Congress is facing from UPA partners and oppostion in this issue they might do something very very silly. Whatever they do, they cannot evade the greater task at hand, that is to bring back the majority of Kashmiris to Indian mainstream. The terrorists don't constitute the entire population of Kashmir. They are as we are to believe only a small fraction of people funded by hostile foreign power(s). We truly need to find out why the other sections of people in Kashmir, the ones not supporting terrorism, are displaying in this un-patriotic(!) behaviour?

The valley that the poetic Mughal emperor once described as the Heaven on Earth has been painted with blood with bullets from terrorists, Indian army, Pakistan army all having nearly equal share. It’s high time for the netas at Delhi Durbar to put on their thinking caps and rethink on Kashmir policies. If and only if we succeed in cultivating the strong nationality feeling among Kashmiris in contrast to allienating them with our high-handedness, then only we can claim that Kashmir is an integral part of India.

Otherwise what has started with the movement for pardoning Md. Azfal Guru's sentence will grow on onto something greater and graver that might threaten to redraw the border-lines of India. Need to act now and need to act fast.